Worship As Ministry And Mission

All Because My Wife Told Me To Go To Hobby Lobby

2006-10-11T21:08:00.000-05:00

"Do not be greived, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
Nehemiah 8.10

Okay, so has anyone out there heard of Hobby Lobby. Well, I am now gainfully employed as a regular part time employee of Hobby Lobby.

I was realizing today, that one year ago I was pastoring a medium sized suburban church near Charlotte, NC. Six months ago I was living in Kansas City learning about intercessory prayer at IHOP-KC. And now, today, was my second day in the frame shop learning the art and craft of framing pictures for an hourly wage.

Our family needed to supplement our income, because our support base was not at a sustainable level. Several weeks ago, in my devotional time, I felt God lead me to "get a job." And so I began sending out resumes. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So last week, in humility and desperation, I made a list of area big box stores, Target, Lowe's, Home Depot. I even checked out the possibility of teaching in area seminaries, universites, and schools. As I was headed out one day to see what the world had to offer, my wife mentions that I might check out Hobby Lobby. Now for those of you not acquainted with HL, it is an arts and crafts store, with everything, including custom framing [I'm foreshadowing here]. My pride and masculinity flinched, and then I decided to pursue it. What did I have to lose?

I walk into Hobby Lobby and fill out an application. I ask an assistant manager if they have any positions open. Among the list of positions open is a framer. She asks if I have any experience. No. But I apply anyway. I walk back to the frame shop to get an idea of what it's like. And I notice the music is somewhat familiar. I listen more carefully. No it can't be. Is that what I think it is. Yes. There is no doubt. It is Christian music. Hymns and contemporary songs set to a musical score. But why here?

After inquiring about the position in the frame shop, I am invited into the maangers office. We briefly discuss the position. I share up front that I am a pastor trying to build a prayer ministry and need to supplement our family income. He shares with me that HL is a company based on Christian principles and proceeds to tell me about the framing position and will get back in touch with me. My overall impression is very positive.

A few days later I'm in the managers office for an interview. The first 30 minutes is spent filling out papers and enduring a math test, without a calculator. Most of this math I haven't done since school. Elementary school. The other 30 minutes after one innocent question on my part, he tells me his family homeschools, his life was changed on an Emmaus Walk that he attended with his best friend and accountability partner, and that though he attends a baptist church, in the end, he simply wants to love Jesus!

So here I am, a missionary intercessor, working for a man who loves Jesus, in a store whose mission and vision are scripturally based, where they are closed on Sunday, and where they play Christian music all day. I am working in a marketplace prayer room! I wept for gratitude this morning on the way to work. I know that my hourly wage cannot sustain my family. I know that it is absolutley foolish in the eyes of the world for me to be "stuck" in some hourly wage job. And yet this is where God has me for now. Over the last two and a half months, this is the only door that has opened. And I have knocked on several doors. When I walked into the building, there was a spirit, no doubt the Holy Spirit that welcomed me. I did not feel that presence at Lowe's or Target, or any other place I sought employment of this kind.

I don't know why God has me here. I only know this is where I am. And my job is to remain faithful and grateful and make the most of the opportunity.

All because my wife told me to go to Hobby Lobby.

A Taste of IHOP For FREE!

2006-10-02T21:42:00.000-05:00

International House of Prayer that is, not Pancakes.

For those who would like to experience a little bit of worship and prayer via the web, follow this link:

http://www.ihop.org/Group/Group.aspx?id=16910

Scroll down to the Global Bridgroom Fast heading, and click on the free live webstream.

It's free the first Monday through Wednesday of the month! This is where we were for six months, in Kansas City, learning about intercession in the context of constant worship. Think of it as a prayer meeting that never ends. A taste of heaven on earth. Hey, didn't Jesus pray something along those lines? On earth as it is in heaven...

Standing Firm, Taking the Blow, and Disarming the Enemy

2006-10-02T20:58:00.000-05:00

"Dimitri Pavlovich...was trying to teach Ivan how to absord a broadaxe blow with his shield and twist the weapon out of his enemy's hands. But Ivan would have none of it. He kept leaping backwards, dodging the axe entirely, then whacking Dimitri on the back with his practice sword. Oh, how clever it seemd to Ivan, this dancing. But what Ivan did not understand, could not grasp in his feeble foreign mind, was that in battle there would be a man to the left and to the right of his enemy, who would see the sudden gap in the line as Ivan leapt back, and he would never have a chance to leap forward again to make his clever blow. Instead, he would have to retreat farther yet, and that if the man to either side of him did not fight his battle for him, soon the enemy would come pouring through the gap, and the day would be lost. A man had to stand his ground, giving no inch to the enemy,bearing his blows and striking back harder, forcing the other man to give way."

Before having my eyes opened to the spiritual warfare of intercession and the militant aspect of the church, I never really heeded or cared for miliaristic images as part and parcel of the Christian life.

Jesus speaks in Matthew 11.12 in reference to men like John the Baptist taking the kingdom by violence. I used to think that this was a negative. I thought Jesus was saying violence was not appropriate. But it is a different kind of violence of which Jesus is speaking. When we live authentic Christian lives in a secular world, we will be disruptive. We will be disruptive in the same manner Jesus was. Read Matthew 5. If we live true to Jesus, we will suffer injustice as a result of our witness. The world will reject us because they will see Jesus. At least they should, shouldn't they? Jesus made enemies living a life of grace and mercy. And so did his disciples after him. They all suffered the same fate as Jesus. They were branded and disruptive to society and they killed them just as they did Jesus. Paul was no different.

As the body of Christ, we must respond to the attacks of the enemy with the same militant spirit as Jesus, John the Baptist, the disciples, and Paul. But as is pointed out in 2 Chronicles 20 and Ephesians 6, the weapons of our warfare are not of this world. God is the one who fights on our behalf. Standing firm, using the sheild of faith, we are to extinguish the arrows of the enemy. We are to take the blow head on. And then use our shield, the shield of faith, to disarm the enemy.

What a powerful image is revealed in this book excerpt of what happens when we do not stand our ground in faith. The line of defense is weakened, in our own life and in the Body as a whole. I confess I have stepped back way too many times, given ground. And we wonder why the church is in the state of decline that it is.

Dale Anderson, the director of the Intro to IHOP program, said over and over, at some point we as the church must stop retreating. At some point we must stop giving ground to the enemy. And with passion in his voice and tears in his eyes, I began to understand the militant nature of this journey of faith. In the spirit of Nehemiah, we must open our eyes and weep over the state of the church, be willing to confess our part for current state of the church, and then take our place to repair the breach in the wall. This is the heart of intercession.

This gives me chills as to the reality of the spiritual warfare we face. Over and over, we are called to stand firm. God give me the grace and strength to stand firm another day. I cannot do it without You.

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord

2006-09-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

See I have refined you, but not like silver. I have tested you in the fire
of adversity. Isaiah 48.10

Over the last couple of days, my spirit has been downcast, to put it mildly. Despair was setting in. So last night, as I was falling to sleep, I prayed asking God to give me some sense of direction, a word, something. Or just put an end to this and let me go on my way. It may not be very faithful, but it was how I felt. And in the end, God knows my heart.

So this morning, I share this with my wife during breakfast. She said I sounded like Job. Gee, thanks. And then I reach for our family devotion, because for a change we left the TV off and were all gathered at the breakfast table together. And this was the passage from Isaiah, talking about testing. Needless to say hit a little too close to home. And I wasn't sure how to react. Should I be grateful for this time of testing. "Thanks God for leading me into this wasteland period of my life?" Again, not a lot of faith in that kind of thinking. And then my wife said, "Would you rather God be in this, or not? Would you rather our circumstances not be of God?" This gave me a moments pause. Do we love God only when things go well? Do I trust only the good from God and not the bad. As the song says,

"Blessed be the name of the Lord/ He gives and takes away/ My heart will choose
to say/ Blessed be your name"

Wow. Think about that for a moment. God gives and takes away. Not a lot of prosperity gospel to be found in that. And yet do you know where this phrase comes from. It's biblical. Check out Job 1.21:

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

And so, God's response to my cry for help at midnight, is to speak a word. This is a time of refining. But God's refining comes through the testing of adversity. Not pleasant. Not in the least. But I trust in God with all my heart. And my prayer each night is for more of Him. It's the only way I know to make it through. I may not walk each day in faithfulness, but as a friend reminded me today, we are holy and righteous not because of our faithfulness, not because of our self-imputed holiness. We are holy and righteous by of the blood of Christ Jesus. The very same one who is called Faithful and True. And if He is willing to die that I might have life, I'm willing to trust another day that He has my best interest at heart. He created me, He sustains me, and He alone knows what is best for me. In this season of testing, my faithfulness is to trust in what I cannot see. My faithfulness is to not listen to the bad advice of the world. Even Job's well intended friends were off base. It is the lone voice of the Shepherd I want to hear calling my name.

And if all this were not enough, how is this for divine love. The Lord has opened up two opportunities in January for me to teach workshops in two local churches on prayer. Saturday will be a workshop on prayer entitled "Intimacy With God Through Enjoyable Prayer." And then I will preach Sunday in worship. He opened up those opportunities today. Even in a season of refining, He is a good, good Father.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Of God and Kings

2006-09-25T09:33:00.000-05:00

I don't normally go around thinking of myself as a king. Call it false humility. If you saw my bank balance, you'd be more inclined to say a pauper. But this morning's reading from Proverbs gave me a moments pause.

It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. Prov 25.2

Why is it the glory of God to conceal things? Divine hide and seek? Does God have a mischievous side? What is it about the nature of God that it is His glory to conceal things?

I'm not sure. But I know that I enjoy searching things out. I enjoy a good mystery. And through school I've always found research to be something I'm good at and enjoy. I've always been a bit bookish like that.

I think it was under King Josiah's reign in OT Israel that the scribes found an old copy of the law, the book of Deuteronomy. And after dusting it off, Josiah had it read. And after hearing it read, the people realized how far from God they had wandered in their living. And so, Josiah glorified God by calling the people back to repentance, to right worship, to honor and glorify God. And the people were blessed.

In my daily life, I fall short of my intended destiny as a child of God. Deep within me and each of us lies a destiny far greater than we could ever imagine. Concealed within me is the heart of a king that yearns to discover the deep things of God. Like a present waiting to be unwrapped, like a diamond waiting to be unearthed is the glory of the nature of God within our very being. This is our intended glory.

I've always been moved by Michangleo's response when questioned about his sculpting. When asked about his sculpture The Angel, he simply said, "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

God is a good, good Father. Knowing this, I can trust that His motives for concealing are benevolent, for our good. And so today, I want to dig a little deeper, to discover a little more about God, and about myself along the way.

The Rough and Tumble World of James

2006-09-20T07:55:00.000-05:00

James is our two year old and he is all boy. He is rough and affectionate, he can be sweet and sour all in the same moment. And he takes chances his older sister never thought about. While we were still in Kansas City, James fell down a set of 8 or 9 stairs that ended on a marble landing. We were scared to death. He was fine. A couple of bruises, that was all. It took a few years off of us however.

Then we move to NC and James takes another trip down a flight of 15 or 16 stairs ending on a wooden floor landing. I say with a wink and a nod that my son is perfecting the tuck and roll as he tumbles down the stairs. Again he walks away with a bump and a bruise.

Well last night, he took a dive out of his crib. Headfirst. Only this time he hits the corner of the chest with the bridge of his nose. I had just said prayers with them, [Elizabeth and James are sharing a room right now] sang them a lullaby and closed the door. Not two minutes later there is a thud and a scream and Elizabeth's voice calling out, "Mom! Dad! James fell out of the crib!"

Fell out of the crib! You don't just fall out of the crib! As a two year old, you have to work pretty hard to fall out of a crib!

We rush into the room and James is lying on the floor in a heap, has cut his nose and is bleeding. Not gushing, more oozing. We apply ice and begin serious discussion about getting rid of the crib. The crib has served well as a holding pen. We put him in the crib and knew where he was. Our concern was that he was not ready for a big boy bed. Truth be told, we are the one's not ready for James to have a big boy bed. The convenience of the crib has been nice. Our concern now is, if we take away the crib, he can roam, in a room, with his unsuspecting sister right next to him. Hmmm... But on the other hand, can we afford not to get rid of the crib. Maybe it is time.

We have yet to go to the Emergency Room with either child. We assume at some point, James will be the first. Just not today, please.

A New Set of Tires in the Mail

2006-09-20T07:40:00.000-05:00

Another testimony to just how awesome our God is!

Okay, so living on a missionary budget, which is an oxymoron, we never know how to think about expenses like tires for our Explorer. We bought our Explorer with 45,000 miles and have had the same set of tires since we bought it. We now have 118,000 miles. For the last month and a half we have had a slow to moderate leak in the left rear tire which had us going to fill it up with air before we drove anywhere! Needless to say we needed new tires. This has been on our radar, but we never had the money.

Last Thursday, we were paying bills. Jennifer looked at me, and after paying the tithe, we had just enough to pay the bills. The choice always of course, is whether to pay the tithe or set it aside for later. I say it is a choice, because it is a choice to be obedient. I looked at Jennifer and said, "I guess we don't need new tires today."

In the mail that day came a letter. Inside was a note from a woman who told us she had been visiting a church I had spoken at a month ago. She was moved by our testimony and wanted to bless us with a gift. The gift was $600. As we read the note and looked at the amount of the check, I looked at Jennifer and with a grateful smile said, "I guess God wants us to have new tires after all."

Could we have used the money for something else? Sure. But after living seven months at the hand of God, relying on daily bread, you begin to recognize the beauty of God's good and timely gifts. There was no doubt for either of us that we had just received a set of new tires in the mail.

Laying it on the altar

2006-08-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

"Usually, the next step after catching a vision is to see it die. There is a special reason for this: our vision often contains a combination of godly concerns and human perspectives, so God has to engineer a way whereby the godly concerns remain and the human perspectives are changed to divine perspectives. His way of doing this is to cause the vision to die. This is a Biblical principle that can be traced from Genesis to Revelation. The vision Abraham received of being the father of a great nation "died" when he found his wife was barren. The vision Moses received "died" when he was rejected by his people and was forced to flee into the desert for forty years. Why, we ask, does God bring a vision to birth and then allow it to die? For this reason: the waiting time in which we find ourselves during the death of a vision is God's classroom for the development of godly character in us. It is in the waiting time, as the vision "dies", that such qualities as patience, persistence, perseverance and self-control are built into us. Has God given you in the past a vision of something that you knew was definitely from Him - but now the vision has died? Then don't be discouraged. This is the way God works. He is using the waiting time to change your ideas to His ideas and your perspectives to His perspectives."
by: Selwyn Hughes
as found at
http://oneplace.com/devotionals/everydaylight/546650.aspx
For the last year, God has been birthing a vision in our family. God has faithfully given us clarity and direction. God has faithfully provided for our families needs as we have followed where he lead. And now, I believe, God is asking us to allow the vision to die.
Since we have returned to North Carolina, everything has been a struggle. Finances, relationships, everything. I had a friend ask me about my prayer life since I had returned from IHOP-KC, "the intercessors utopia", he said. Off the top of my head I said it was a stuggle. Later reflecting on my comment, I realized it was not my prayer life that was in turmoil. I find myself nearly in constant prayer. All my thoughts it seems are focused in an ongoing dialog with God. Though it looks different than it was in KC, I'm not in a prayer room soaking in the atmosphere of worship and intercession, the heart of prayer is there.
What is different, what has changed, is the faith behind the prayers. I read in EM Bounds book on Prayer that prayer and faith go together. Jesus made it clear that we are to pray believing we will receive what we ask. Pray believing. My prayers have taken on a more desperate tone. They are not long or elaborate. They are more akin to "Lord Help me, Lord save me!"
I am realizing that becuase of my present circumstances, primarily the lack of direction and lack of finances, I find that my trust in God is wavering. And yet I keep coming back to Him. I keep seeking His face. Even though I can't feel His presence, it is His presence that I seek. Even though I can't hear Him, it's His voice I long to hear.
And so every time we go to worship, I cry. Because worship exposes the longing of my heart. In the midst of what the world and even I think of as failure, I long to worship Him. I crave His presence. To sing "We worship and bow down," to sing "God is good all the time and all the time God is good" to praise God in the midst of this is both foolishness and strength.
And so a week ago, I felt led by God to kneel at the altar, and give the vision back. A pastor who is a colleague and friend shared this quote by Hughes with me. In a two minute conversation before worship, he said "I read this quote that said 'sometimes after God gives the vision, it has to die.'" I wept for the truth of His words hit deep in my heart.
And so we arranged a time the next evening. I came and offered back to God the vision of a calling to worship and prayer. I know with every fiber in my being that this is what God is calling me to do. And yet every circumstance seems to point against it. And so, I gave back to God what He had given to me. Like Abraham, like Moses, it was God's calling, God's vision, God's desire before it was mine. And so in faith, I knelt at the altar, and offered back to God this calling to worship and prayer and the dream of being set apart as an intercessor. I told Him I didn't understand. And I told Him that in spite of it all, all I wanted was more of Him.
And I left it there, the vision, on the altar, to die. It is no longer mine, though it burns within my being. And so we wait for resurrection.

Learning to Walk Again

2006-08-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, it's been a while. We just returned from a week at the beach with family. It was great to have the opportunity to go to the beach, and spend the time with the kids and extended family. We broke with our seven year streak of heading to Sunset Beach and headed a little north of Wilmington to Topsail Beach. The last time I was on Topsail was with some guys from college for spring break. Our motto then was "What happens on the island, stays on the island." Our motto this week could have been "Are you hungry again?" With kids, one is always feeding, cleaning, or making sure they aren't going to kill themselves. Our kids are 4 and 2 by the way.

I have found returning to NC to have it's pros and cons. I definitely miss the prayer room. I have yet had an opporuntity to check out ZHOP, the house of prayer just outside of Charlotte. I have been wearing out my worship CD's needless to say. Walking out this calling of worship prayer and fasting IS NOT easy, especially in such an affluent area as we are right now. Plus we lack the supportive community of the missions base, where at least we were pressing ahead in the same direction. Here, our family tries to be supportive, but in the end they really don't understand why we are choosing to go through this. I have had opporuntities to share our calling with several pastors. I never realized that offering to pray for someones church and staff could be seen as threatening, but it is. The ministry of intercession is seen at best as irrelevant, too outside the mainstream of the mainline, too para-church, or as simply unnecessary. Everbody says they believe in prayer, but not the need for someone to commit their life to it. Everybody welcomes prayer, but at a distance.

The one question that arises over and over as I share my calling is, "Yeah, but can you sustain your family doing it? Can you make a living and provide for your family by praying?" I tell them I haven't had a paycheck since Dec 25 2005. I tell them we have paid every bill, have not gone into debt, and have continued to pay down our student loans. God is faithful.

And yet I walk away with doubt in my heart. I hear the incredulity and the skepticism in their voice and I think to myself think, "I am a fool." I handed over my career for this? I see it in their eyes. It is a combination of pity, disbelief, and something else. I'm not sure what it is.

Even today in my time with God, I asked, "Is this where we are supposed to be?" And God's response in my heart was, "Yes. You are right where I want you for now." Where are we? We are living with Jennifer's mom and step-dad. We are barely getting by covering our bills. We have no idea where we want to live much less where God intends for us to go. We have no prospect in the near future to supplement our income. We have no real community to worship with, that understands us anyway. And yet God says to me "You are where I want you to be." I told this to Jennifer and she confirmed this is God's message to her as well. She feels the same way. I have said it before and will say it again, I am blessed to have such a wonderful wife. God's wisdom in putting us together is undeniable.

My fear is that I have spent too much energy shepherding [worrying really] about our finances, or lack thereof. Instead, I need to be shepherding our vision of ministry. This notion struck me earlier today. When I focus on what God is calling me to do, to be an intercessor, to pray for the church, to pray for pastors, to energize the church in prayer, I get excited. Something in my heart tells me this is where my focus needs to be. And yet like Martha, I am worried and distracted by many other things.

So, we continue to put one foot in front of the other. We are learning to walk out this calling in these familiar yet new surroundings. We continue to take our place on the wall of intercession. And we wait. With Holy Boldness, we wait.

Back Home in NC

2006-07-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

We wanted to let you all know that we arrived safely in Charlotte, NC Thursday July 13th. James and Elizabeth absolutely loved taking turns riding with Dad in the big truck! We've placed everything in storage and are looking forward to spending some time visiting with family and friends over the next few weeks.

Thank you to you all for your love and support as we continue to follow God's leading in this ever more amazing journey of faith. Thank you to all of you for your prayers, to those that helped us pack and load the truck, and to those that support us financially. God has been with us every step of the way and we know that He has ordered the steps ahead of us.

Please pray for us over the next six weeks that we will be faithful to the testimony of what God has done and continues to do in our lives. As I have opportunities to preach and teach I ask that God will speak through me, that God will prepare the hearts of those to whom I speak, and that I will have the courage to follow the Spirit's lead to speak with boldness.

Please also pray for our discernment in finding a place to live. We are wide open as to where that will be. Pray that we will wait in faith and trust God. We need only remember that he faithfully and wonderfully provided an amazing home for us in Kansas City. As Hebrews 11 says about Abraham, even though we may not know where we are going, God does, and that is what counts! We need only walk in faith.

Finally, we ask for prayer with regards to our partnership with Plowpoint Ministries. Over the next few weeks we will be sitting down and developing my job description and repsonsibilities for this model of prayer ministry. Plowpoint sends out minstry teams to churches to provide healing through conflict resolution and strategic visioning and planning. My role will be to go ahead of those ministry teams and pray in the church sanctuaries for a period of weeks to prepare the spiritual atmosphere. One model for this ministry was a man named Father Daniel Nash. Here is a link to read more about what this type of ministry might look like:

http://www.wayoflife.org/fbns/daniel-nash/daniel-nash-princeofprayer.html

I truly believe there is powerful benefit for the church to be found in this ministry of intercession. Plowpoints mission is to break new ground for the seed of the gospel. My role will be to "soak" the soil in prayer in preparation for the plowing and seeding.
My hearts desire is to serve God in this ministry of intercession to prepare the church to fulfill its calling to make disciples.

Blessings upon you all. We would love to hear from you!

Mark, Jennifer, Elizabeth and James

Heading Home

2006-07-09T20:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends,

Grace and peace to you in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord!
As many of you know, our family has spent the last six months in Kansas City pursuing a new calling as missionary intercessors through the International House of Prayer [ www.ihop.org ]. God has very much blessed us in this new venture in ministry in so many ways. And He has used many of you to bless us along the way.

Over the last few weeks, we have been feeling in our hearts as though we should move back to NC. In fact we had already begun packing in faith not yet knowing the what where or how! Then last week, we received a call from our friends Kelly and Beth Crissman with PlowPoint Ministries. [ www.plowpoint.org ] Through that conversation, God confirmed we were indeed to return to NC and begin working as missionary intercessors in partnership with PlowPoint. And within four days God raised the provision we needed to make the move home! Nothing is impossible for God!

So, the six week visit to NC we had planned for July and August has become a permanent move back home! We are very excited about this opportunity. I will be driving the moving truck and Jennifer will be in the Explorer with the kids! Much prayer is needed for both of us. Our plan is to leave Kansas City the morning of July 12th and arrive in Charlotte on July 13th, which also happens to be Jennifer's birthday!

Over the next six weeks I am scheduled to preach twice and have opportunities to teach prayer workshops and share our testimony on four other occasions. We are very grateful for these opportunities and ask that God would speak through me to the hearts of those who come.
We ask your prayers for the following:

*Safe travel home to NC! Isn't moving fun...

*God's continued guidance as to the next right step for our family.

*A place to live. We will be living with grandparents and friends as scheduled through the middle of August. We are trusting that God already has a place for us; we simply need to walk forward in obedience. If you know of a place we could rent we would be very interested to hear from you.

*New partners in ministry. We will continue to raise support as missionaries as we live out this calling. Please pray that God would continue to raise up churches and people to prayerfully and financially support us.

Hebrews 11.8-16 tells us that Abraham set out for a land that was promised, but did not know where he was going. The passage goes on to say that for a while he lived in tents, as in a foreign land. And yet, there was a vision set before him given to him from God. The passage ends by saying God was not ashamed to be called his God and that God had indeed prepared a place for them.

We began this journey six months ago, in faith, trusting that the God who called us would lead us and guide us. We have become even more certain that the One who has called us is faithful and true. This experience has led us to grow in love for God, for one another, and for the church.
We have been blessed by your love and support. We could not have done this without you. We look forward to what lies ahead.

Blessings,

Mark, Jennifer, Elizabeth & James

Good News

2006-06-27T08:58:00.000-05:00

From Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience in the Same Direction...

"God gets down on his knees among us, gets on our level and shares himself with us. He does not reside afar off and send us diplomatice messages; he kneels among us. That posture is characteristic of God. The discovery and realization of this is what defines what we know of God as good news-- God shares himself generously and graciously. 'Whichever form the blessing takes, it implies an exchange of the contents of the soul.' God enters into our need, he anticipates our goals, he 'gets into our skin' and understands us better than we do ourselves. Everything we learn about God through Scripture and in Christ tells us that he knows what it is like to change a diaper for the thirteenth time in the day, to see a report over which we have worked long and carefully gather dust on somebody's desk for weeks and weeks, to find our teaching treated with scorn and indifferenc by children and youth, to discover that the integrity and excellence of our work has been overlooked and the shoddy duplicity of another's rewarded with a promotion."

Thanks be to God, that all of our life's experiences, even the mundane and the dismissed and ignored actions, are all seen and loved by God. He holds us in the palm of His hand. He is gracious to us. Bless God, and God bless you. (Psalm 134)

Wesley visits Herrnhut

2006-06-23T22:45:00.001-05:00

"John Wesley's visit to Herrnhut was typical of thousands of others. 'God has given me at length,' he wrote to his brother Samuel, 'the desire of my heart. I am with a Church whose conversation is in Heaven; in whom is the mind that was in Christ, and who so walk as He walked.' In his journal he wrote, 'I would gladly have spent my life here; but my Master called me to labour in another part of His vineyard. O, when shall this Christianity cover the earth, as the waters cover the sea?'"

http://www.evanwiggs.com/revival/history/moravian.html

Okay brief history here and then the impact finding this quote has on me.

John Wesley, the founder of modern day United Methodism, was returning to England after visiting the American colonies in 1738. Wesley journalled that he was much impressed with some German Christians [Moravians] on board who held their faith and composure prayerfully in the midst of a terrible storm.

Upon returning to England, Wesley experiences a 'heart warming' conversion in May 1738, and then heads for Germany to visit this group of Moravians in Herrnhut, Germany. It was there that a man by the name of Count Zinzendorf had begun a 24/7 intercessory prayer movement that lasted 110 years!

Now, fast forward with me to 2006! The International House of Prayer in Kansas City is a 24/7 intercessory worship and prayer movement much like the community in Herrnhut, Germany. So much so in fact, they have a quote from Zinzendorf on the back wall, and the apartment complex they own for missionary housing is called, you guessed it, Herrnhut!

I have often described my first visit to the prayer room as "experiencing the expression of my heart's desire." And then I discover tonight that this was almost exactly Wesley's description of his experience. And over the last several weeks I have been curious to know more about Wesley's experience at Herrnhut. What did he think about it? What happened while he was there? And most importantly, why did he leave?

Just yesterday after a conversation with my wife, I have begun to feel that as much as I would love to remain here in Kansas City and remain in the IHOP-KC community, I feel the time is drawing near for us to return to NC and enter into the next phase of our calling as intercessory missionaries. And then tonight I find this quote from Wesley concerning his experience and reason for leaving Herrnhut.

Needless to say I am stunned at the similarities. I typically try my best not to overhype or over spiritualize circumstances like this. But the timing of this is certainly amazing to say the least. And to top it all off, Wesley's visit to Herrnhut lasted about three months. My training program, called Intro to IHOP, lasted three months. I wonder if Wesley attended Intro to Herrnhut?

Running from something or to something?

2006-06-21T08:48:00.000-05:00

As we get ready to return to North Carolina in July to see family and friends and raise support, I continue to be confronted in my mind and in conversations with folks by the same thing. In leaving the church as pastor in January and moving to Kansas City, am I running from something or running to something?

I remember addressing that in my mind in January. I thought to myself, if I was running from something, surely there were easier places to run to in order to hide. If I was simply discontent with my current church, I could have just waited it out and been reappointed to another church. The beauty and curse of the appointent system in the United Methodist Church is that as an ordained elder, you are guaranteed a church, much like the tenure system in education. Once approved, you're in. If it was just a matter of running from the circumstances of my church, the safest thing would have been to wait it out, lie low, and move on.

In the appointment system of the UMC, I had financial security, and most importantly, I wouldn't have needed to share my story with so many people. In order to make this leap of faith to be a missionary family, we were forced to speak out about what God was doing in our lives. Raising support does not afford one anonimoty. Quite the opposite.

Six months later, I have gained a bit more perspective. I imagine as time goes by, I will gain even more. Looking back, I realize there was quite a bit I was running from. I was running from an unhealthy relationship with the church. I was headed down a path of destruction marked by pride, anger, and resentment. My attitude toward he church was one of entitlement. I had worked hard to be in this place of ministry. I had given my talents and abilities in order to serve the church. And I resented it. I resented being made to feel like I was overpaid, that I didn't do this well enough or that well enough. Depsite my best efforts, I did not measure up. And I was my own worst critic when it came to comparing myself to others in ministry around me. I have come to call it 'relational idolatry.' I was coveting in my heart someone elses ministry, giftings, and abilities. The true sin in this is that I became so fixed on becoming somone else I failed to realize all God was asking was for me to be who He created me to be. But that is hard to see in a system and culture that values bigger and better.

I was running away from dysfunctional relationships. I was living a compartmentalized life. My life was so divided. I had a compartment for family, for church, and my private life. The tension created when those compartments collided was unbearable. The church was always invading my family time. My family was too demanding of my time and was holding me back from becoming the pastor I knew I could become. And I would retreat to my private life to escape.

As I continued in this unhealthy lifestyle, my physical health began to deteriorate. I suffered terribly from migrane headaches. At one point over a period of months, I was taking more than 10 Imitrex a month for relief from migranes. My weight was out of control. I was placed by a physician on medication for high blood pressure. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and for nearly a year took Zoloft. I was 30 years old and headed for a heart attack before I was 50.

If this is what I was running from, what is it that I am running to? I am claiming my place in the Father's embrace. For the first time in my life, I can claim without fear that I am a chld of God. For so long I felt God was angry with me. O how wrong I was! God was not angry. God loves me far more than I will ever know. And the enemy was content as long as I was living this lie. But I will live the lie no more!

For the first time in my life since childhood, I am living an undivided life. There are no more compartments. I am learning to live an integrated life. My migranes are all but gone. I am off Zoloft. And my weight is down. If in the future, God chooses to send me back in to the pastorate, it will look and feel very differently.

I am choosing to claim my identity as a child of God. And who I am called to be is an intercessor for the Lord. What that means, I do not fully know right now. But I do know that wherever He leads, worship, prayer, and fasting will be hallmarks of my lifestyle, for these were the hallmarks of Jesus' life.

My place is at the feet of Jesus. My desire is to be set in a place with my family where we can serve Him with abandon.

Even as I write this, I realize that I want to convince all those who know me that I am not running away from something, but rather, to something. Better yet, to Someone! And yet I cannot convince anyone of anything. It is not my place nor is it my task. I know that I have acted with integrity. My decisions have been based on what I felt God was calling me to do. When all is said and done, I must simply let my life speak.

2006-06-14T10:10:00.000-05:00

My writers' group folks tell me to write even when it seems I have nothing to write about so here it goes. I am very sleepy this morning. Not sure why. Perhaps it has something to do with James waking up at 6:15am and acting like he's ready to conquer the world, only an hour later to be so negative that we put him back to bed, although he did not go to sleep.

I checked out a bunch of books from the library a couple of days ago and we bought about three books from B&N, too. A real indulgence. But I have so many books now that I haven't even had time to open all of them. So much for moderation.

Some of the books are about forgiveness, God's and our forgiveness extended to other people. I even got Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place. I've heard about it and seen it referenced in other works but never actually picked it up before.

I also found a book by Andrew Murray called Raising Your Child to Love God. He has written several other books about the Christian life that I have just discovered with titles like: Humility and Waiting on God and The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer. Although he lived in South Africa at the turn of the last century, I find his works fairly accesible, but rich and deep and full of the Spirit. I have opened his book.

Another book I bought is Seeking God by Ester de Waal. This, it seems, is an exploration of the Rule of St. Benedict. I have yet to see a copy of the actual Rule of St. Benedict. But from what I've heard about it, and I hope to explore more through de Waal's book, I think it may be a rule that even we Protestants living in suburban America can use to draw closer to God as we live out our everyday lives.

And finally, the other book I bought, that I've actually started is Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt. It's been around a long time, but was recently updated. It explores the value of being a reading family and gives several lists of children's books. I'm thinking that this will be a resource instead of a curriculum for homeschooling and will most likely come in handy for several years to come.

Anyway, despite the last book, today is, apparently, a TV day. It started with Dragon Tales and has included Sesame Street, Calliou and currently Barney. What did families do before public television? Today is one of those days when I realize that one adult (even if it is the mother) spending most of their day with young children alone in a house is not what God intended. Help!!! Ok, I guess I'll end since my four year old says she's hungry and it's 10:50am. I did try to get her to eat earilier. Believe me. But Elizabeth doesn't eat unless it's her idea. Well, just a minute ago she was in here saying, "Now Now Now Now Now Now". Nothing can prepare you for raising children. A true lesson in humility.

A Wonderful Day

2006-06-12T20:46:00.000-05:00

Days like today seem far too infrequent. This morning I asked God for a word for the day, as I began my day. God gave me two words, "worship" and "wait." I took this to mean that our family is to focus on worshiping and to wait on wondering about the future.

So, as a family, after breakfast, we all went to the prayer room at IHOP-KC. And it was one of the best times we have had together as a family. The kids really enjoyed it. Elizabeth and James both spent time coloring, dancing, and enjoying the music. Elizabeth has a friend she really enjoys dancing with named Laura. I always enjoy taking James and Elizabeth up front to watch the singers and musicians. James enjoyed scooting across the empty front row while Elizabeth was mesmorized by the young woman playing guitar and leading the worship set.

After the prayer room, we all went to the grocery store, always an adventure with kids! Then as special family treat, we got lunch at Wendy's! Yeah!

Then our wonderful downstairs neighbor, Tom, offered to keep the kids for us for the afternoon! So Jennifer and I went out for an afternoon date! And where else would we go, but Barnes and Noble and Starbucks! The coolest part was the fact that Jennifer's gift cards from who knows when covered all but 25 cents of her purchase, and my tips from driving the IHOP shuttle over the weekend covered our Starbucks indulgence. We then went to a nearby park and enjoyed the afternoon among the geese by a small pond and other peoples children playing on the playground while we talked. Imagine that, we actually got to complete our thoughts without interruption! Anyone with children understands what a gift that is!

Thank you God for a day of worship with my family and precious time with my wife! I am truly blessed.

Psalm 27

2006-06-09T15:09:00.000-05:00

Light, space, zest—
that’s God!
So, with him on my side I’m fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.

When vandal hordes ride down
ready to eat me alive,
Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.

When besieged,
I’m calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I’m collected and cool.

I’m asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I’ll contemplate his beauty;
I’ll study at his feet.

That’s the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
far from the buzz of traffic.

God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I’m headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I’m singing God-songs;
I’m making music to God.

Listen, God, I’m calling at the top of my lungs:
“Be good to me! Answer me!”
When my heart whispered, “Seek God,”
my whole being replied,
“I’m seeking him!”
Don’t hide from me now!

You’ve always been right there for me;
don’t turn your back on me now.
Don’t throw me out, don’t abandon me;
you’ve always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.

Point me down your highway, God;
direct me along a well-lighted street;
show my enemies whose side you’re on.
Don’t throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.

I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don’t quit.
I’ll say it again:
Stay with God.

The Message

A Covenant Prayer in the Wesleyan Tradition

2006-06-09T15:06:00.000-05:00

This entry is inspired by our last week that Mark wrote of in his last post.

This is a copy of a prayer that was distributed at The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection several weeks ago.

I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed by thee our laid aside for thee,
Exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things
To thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
Thou are mine, and I am thine. So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.

More of You God

2006-06-09T10:12:00.000-05:00

The last few days around here have not been so fun. We were all on such a high last Friday as God broke in and provided for us, yet again. We are beginning to get the idea that God really does want us here, God really did call us here, and God really is going to sustain us in this place.

So, why are we struggling so in our hearts. Monday, I came down with a headache that lasted until Wednesday afternoon. Jennifer and I both have been wrestling with what is the next right step for our family. I find that I identify all too well with the story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness. God promised them daily bread. Bread in the morning, meat in the evening. [Exodus 16] God heard their complaining, and answered them with daily provision. This satisfied them for a moment. And yet before long they continued to complain.

God broke in a miraculous way and has continued to do so month after month for our family. And yet it is never enough. Before the initial gratitude even begins to wain, we are already looking ahead to tommorrows need. I find that my heart never seems satisfied with daily bread. Our culture has conditioned us to trust in storehouses of provision, money in the bank, food in the pantry. And yet this is not how most of the people in the world live. Most people would find our life desireable compared to the conditions they live in. And yet, I continue to complain.

Yesterday, Jennifer and I shared the realization that when we are without money, we fret about how we are going to pay the bills. When money comes in, we find that we fret over what to do with it. No matter whether we have money or not, we still are not content. Our discontent, God reveals, is because only onething is necessary, only onething will satisfy. That onething, is God alone. Only the presence of God will satisfy. The Israelites complained in the wilderness for bread and meat and water. We complain about having money for bills, for books, for going out to eat. And none of these things will ever satisfy what we truly crave, and that is more of God.

I really don't mean to be trite or overly simplistic. Paul talks about finding contentment whether he has much or little. [Philippians 4.10-14] I believe he is able to live this because of his revelation that God is enough! Whether Jennifer and I have much or little, our challenge is to be content regardless of the circumstances because Christ is enough. O for that to be true in our house! God make it so.

And so in the midst of our wilderness wanderings this week, in the midst of our ill-tempered discontent, God gently nudges us closer to Him with this mornings family devotion.

Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
trust in Him, and He will act.
[Psalm 37.4-5]

Maybe all God really wants is for us to love Him. I feel like what God is saying to our family, "if you will just trust me, if you will give yourself fully to me, I will give you the very desires of your heart. Don't worry about what you will eat, how you will pay the bills. Trust me, love me, worship me, seek after me, and I will bless you."

Are we willing to delight ourselves in such a way that we truly lose ourselves for Him. God, I ask that You would make it so in our family!

Great is Thy Faithfulness Pt 2

2006-06-02T16:43:00.000-05:00

I have never wanted to be the missionary family that publicly talks about their lack of finances and that sees a pair of socks or free toilet paper as "the sign" of God's faithfulness. I mean, surely the God of the cattle on a thousand hills has more to offer His children than toilet paper. But maybe I'm missing the point.

Anyway, the last few days have been a time that I would consider publicly thanking God for toilet paper, but God went beyond my low expectations, to continue providing for our family. We were afraid that we would not have rent money this month. In fact, we informed our gracious landlords that we had only half the rent to pay them so far.

But God.

After persevering in prayer for many days for financial provision, God has shown us once again that He really is faithful, by providing for our full month's rent as well as our student loan payment and food. This provision was unexpected, not a part of our pledged monthly support. Our needs continue to be met by our gracious God who has clearly called our family to wait for His provision as we continue to learn how to live out this lifestyle of worship and prayer in Kansas City. We are honored and grateful for the way God is working in our lives.

A quote too appropriate for the day, from Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience:

"The central reality for Christians is the personal, unalterable, persevering commitment that God makes to us. Perseverance is not the result of our determination; it is the result of God's faithfulness. We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning of our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms. It is out of such a reality that we acquire perseverance."

Certainly for our family, this day will be a mark on our map of the faithfulness of God! I invite you to share your day of God's faithfulness in your life. If you have yet to experience God's faithfulness, I invite you to open your heart to God, share your desires with Him. Don't close your heart off to God. Wait for the Lord. You will not be put to shame. (Psalm 25)

A Family Picture

2006-06-01T22:38:00.000-05:00

James, Jennifer, Elizabeth and Mark, outside the Kansas City Zoo, April 2006.

A Pentecost Prayer

2006-06-01T22:30:00.000-05:00

Check this out:

"The early Methodists had no heating in their churches. They said that the flame in the pew and the flame in the pulpit must be sufficient to keep them warm. And we today, need to have the live coal from God's altar and the consuming flame from heaven glowing in our hearts. This flame is not mental power or fleshy energy. It is divine, intense, dross consuming fire in the soul. It is the very Spirit of God."

from EM Bounds on Prayer, page 130

May the divine, intense, dross consuming fire from the very altar of God, the very Spirit of God, fill our pews and pulpits this Pentecost! May our hearts burn within us with desire for more of God!

Reading lists and Writer's Groups

2006-05-31T13:23:00.000-05:00

My reading list on the right side of this blog is what I am currently reading. A book that I did not include, but have just now finished is Answering God by Eugene Peterson (translator of The Message). If you want an introduction to reading the Psalms, this is a great one. His writing consistently leads me back to scripture, prayer and my own heart. He is a wonderful pastor, even through his writing.

I attended the monthly meeting of the Writer's Group today at Church of the Resurrection. These women have nurtured and empowered me through their writing for the past few months I have attended. I don't know how other writer's groups are but this is a safe place that encourages writing. Sharing is definitely optional. They are funny and spiritual and just a joy to be around. Quickly, I have come to love them and would recommend anyone interested in writing at all levels, from personal journaling (me!) to published authors to anyone in between, finding a group of writers to join.

So, one of the treasures from this morning's meeting was, the leader, Carol's advice for writer's block. "Rule number one," she said, "and you're not going to like this, but: Put your seat in the seat and just do it. Rule number two is: Tolerate chaos. Be willing to be uncomfortable."

Thank you Carol, and thank you God for using Carol to speak to my heart today.

A verse for today, which also served as a prompt for the group this morning is Matthew 6:26-27: "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?" The prompt given was: "What are you worrying about? What is worrying you about your writing? What do you want to write about?"

You too can be a writer. You can try it: for the next 10 minutes grab paper and a pen and keep the pen moving across the page. You can stray or stick to the topic. Remember the rules about keeping your seat in the seat and tolerating chaos and go where the Spirit leads.

Blessings!

The Weight of Waiting

2006-05-31T11:18:00.000-05:00

Borrowing from CS Lewis' title, The Weight of Glory, I thought this was an appropriate subject title. Anyone who has lived a life of faith in God knows the pressure from this weight. Throughout scripture, we are told to wait upon God. "Trust in Him, and He will act...wait patiently for Him" [Psalm 37.5&7]

Saul waited seven days for Samuel. [1 Samuel 13] When Samuel didn't show, Saul took matters into his own hands, and it cost him his kingdom. And what were the haunting words of Samuel to Saul,

"But now your kingdom shall not endure The LORD has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the LORD has appointed him as ruler over His people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you." [1 Samuel 13.14]

The Lord is searching for people after His own heart. David was a man after God's own heart. Jesus shows us the very heart of God. And what were Jesus' parting words to the disciples. Wait. "Wait in the city of Jerusalem until you are clothed with power from on high." [Luke 24.49]

What is it with God and waiting? Waiting is unbearable. Most of the advice the world gives is to "take matters into your own hands." "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps" theology. "God helps those who help themselves," IS NOT IN THE BIBLE. I may be mistaken, but I believe that the last quote was from Benjamin Franklin.

A quick word search of 'wait' on www.biblegateway.com reveals a gold mine of what God intends for those who love Him. We are called to wait on God. Apart from God we have no good thing. So why wouldn't we wait on God?

Because the weight of waiting is heavy. Like the Hebrews, who stood by the Red Sea, faced by water in front of them, mountains on either side, and the approaching army of Pharoah behind them. In their darkest moment where was the God who promised to deliver them? And as they had lost all hope, knowing there was nothing they could do but surrender, God breaks in. And not only does God deliver them, He destroys the enemy.

I have been told that circumstances in our lives are meant to reveal what is truly in our hearts. What I find in my heart when difficult circumstanes is not pretty. Trust me. And yet the challenge is not to hide the ugliness, but to offer it to God. If we acknowledge to God the ugliness of our heart, His nature is to take a heart of stone and give us back a heart of flesh. [Ezekiel 36.26]

Pressure builds character. [Romans 5.3-5] And so the weight or pressure that comes with waiting upon God, for whatever it is that we seek, is in the end meant for our own good. I am convinced that the God who creates us knows our hearts better than we do. And this same God is at work wooing us and drawing us to Him in love. Waiting is meant for us to fall in love with the One who first loved us.

Waiting is not easy. I would not hazard to call it fun. And yet as I walk out this journey of faith, I suspect that as my trust in God grows, my faith will grow into an assurance that our God is a God of promises, and promise keeping.

New Every Morning

2006-05-29T08:45:00.000-05:00

Great is Thy Faithfulness
I love your mercy
It's new every morning

I walk into the prayer room this morning at 8.39am, and this is being sung from the platform. God wants me to know that His faithfulness is not just for a day. Not just yesterday. But today. It is new every morning. Thank you seems far too inadquate for that kind of love.