Worship As Ministry And Mission

"Usually, the next step after catching a vision is to see it die. There is a special reason for this: our vision often contains a combination of godly concerns and human perspectives, so God has to engineer a way whereby the godly concerns remain and the human perspectives are changed to divine perspectives. His way of doing this is to cause the vision to die. This is a Biblical principle that can be traced from Genesis to Revelation. The vision Abraham received of being the father of a great nation "died" when he found his wife was barren. The vision Moses received "died" when he was rejected by his people and was forced to flee into the desert for forty years. Why, we ask, does God bring a vision to birth and then allow it to die? For this reason: the waiting time in which we find ourselves during the death of a vision is God's classroom for the development of godly character in us. It is in the waiting time, as the vision "dies", that such qualities as patience, persistence, perseverance and self-control are built into us. Has God given you in the past a vision of something that you knew was definitely from Him - but now the vision has died? Then don't be discouraged. This is the way God works. He is using the waiting time to change your ideas to His ideas and your perspectives to His perspectives."

by: Selwyn Hughes

as found at

http://oneplace.com/devotionals/everydaylight/546650.aspx

For the last year, God has been birthing a vision in our family. God has faithfully given us clarity and direction. God has faithfully provided for our families needs as we have followed where he lead. And now, I believe, God is asking us to allow the vision to die.

Since we have returned to North Carolina, everything has been a struggle. Finances, relationships, everything. I had a friend ask me about my prayer life since I had returned from IHOP-KC, "the intercessors utopia", he said. Off the top of my head I said it was a stuggle. Later reflecting on my comment, I realized it was not my prayer life that was in turmoil. I find myself nearly in constant prayer. All my thoughts it seems are focused in an ongoing dialog with God. Though it looks different than it was in KC, I'm not in a prayer room soaking in the atmosphere of worship and intercession, the heart of prayer is there.

What is different, what has changed, is the faith behind the prayers. I read in EM Bounds book on Prayer that prayer and faith go together. Jesus made it clear that we are to pray believing we will receive what we ask. Pray believing. My prayers have taken on a more desperate tone. They are not long or elaborate. They are more akin to "Lord Help me, Lord save me!"

I am realizing that becuase of my present circumstances, primarily the lack of direction and lack of finances, I find that my trust in God is wavering. And yet I keep coming back to Him. I keep seeking His face. Even though I can't feel His presence, it is His presence that I seek. Even though I can't hear Him, it's His voice I long to hear.

And so every time we go to worship, I cry. Because worship exposes the longing of my heart. In the midst of what the world and even I think of as failure, I long to worship Him. I crave His presence. To sing "We worship and bow down," to sing "God is good all the time and all the time God is good" to praise God in the midst of this is both foolishness and strength.

And so a week ago, I felt led by God to kneel at the altar, and give the vision back. A pastor who is a colleague and friend shared this quote by Hughes with me. In a two minute conversation before worship, he said "I read this quote that said 'sometimes after God gives the vision, it has to die.'" I wept for the truth of His words hit deep in my heart.

And so we arranged a time the next evening. I came and offered back to God the vision of a calling to worship and prayer. I know with every fiber in my being that this is what God is calling me to do. And yet every circumstance seems to point against it. And so, I gave back to God what He had given to me. Like Abraham, like Moses, it was God's calling, God's vision, God's desire before it was mine. And so in faith, I knelt at the altar, and offered back to God this calling to worship and prayer and the dream of being set apart as an intercessor. I told Him I didn't understand. And I told Him that in spite of it all, all I wanted was more of Him.

And I left it there, the vision, on the altar, to die. It is no longer mine, though it burns within my being. And so we wait for resurrection.

I know, I know, it's been a while. We just returned from a week at the beach with family. It was great to have the opportunity to go to the beach, and spend the time with the kids and extended family. We broke with our seven year streak of heading to Sunset Beach and headed a little north of Wilmington to Topsail Beach. The last time I was on Topsail was with some guys from college for spring break. Our motto then was "What happens on the island, stays on the island." Our motto this week could have been "Are you hungry again?" With kids, one is always feeding, cleaning, or making sure they aren't going to kill themselves. Our kids are 4 and 2 by the way.

I have found returning to NC to have it's pros and cons. I definitely miss the prayer room. I have yet had an opporuntity to check out ZHOP, the house of prayer just outside of Charlotte. I have been wearing out my worship CD's needless to say. Walking out this calling of worship prayer and fasting IS NOT easy, especially in such an affluent area as we are right now. Plus we lack the supportive community of the missions base, where at least we were pressing ahead in the same direction. Here, our family tries to be supportive, but in the end they really don't understand why we are choosing to go through this. I have had opporuntities to share our calling with several pastors. I never realized that offering to pray for someones church and staff could be seen as threatening, but it is. The ministry of intercession is seen at best as irrelevant, too outside the mainstream of the mainline, too para-church, or as simply unnecessary. Everbody says they believe in prayer, but not the need for someone to commit their life to it. Everybody welcomes prayer, but at a distance.

The one question that arises over and over as I share my calling is, "Yeah, but can you sustain your family doing it? Can you make a living and provide for your family by praying?" I tell them I haven't had a paycheck since Dec 25 2005. I tell them we have paid every bill, have not gone into debt, and have continued to pay down our student loans. God is faithful.

And yet I walk away with doubt in my heart. I hear the incredulity and the skepticism in their voice and I think to myself think, "I am a fool." I handed over my career for this? I see it in their eyes. It is a combination of pity, disbelief, and something else. I'm not sure what it is.

Even today in my time with God, I asked, "Is this where we are supposed to be?" And God's response in my heart was, "Yes. You are right where I want you for now." Where are we? We are living with Jennifer's mom and step-dad. We are barely getting by covering our bills. We have no idea where we want to live much less where God intends for us to go. We have no prospect in the near future to supplement our income. We have no real community to worship with, that understands us anyway. And yet God says to me "You are where I want you to be." I told this to Jennifer and she confirmed this is God's message to her as well. She feels the same way. I have said it before and will say it again, I am blessed to have such a wonderful wife. God's wisdom in putting us together is undeniable.

My fear is that I have spent too much energy shepherding [worrying really] about our finances, or lack thereof. Instead, I need to be shepherding our vision of ministry. This notion struck me earlier today. When I focus on what God is calling me to do, to be an intercessor, to pray for the church, to pray for pastors, to energize the church in prayer, I get excited. Something in my heart tells me this is where my focus needs to be. And yet like Martha, I am worried and distracted by many other things.

So, we continue to put one foot in front of the other. We are learning to walk out this calling in these familiar yet new surroundings. We continue to take our place on the wall of intercession. And we wait. With Holy Boldness, we wait.