Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Good News
From Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience in the Same Direction...
"God gets down on his knees among us, gets on our level and shares himself with us. He does not reside afar off and send us diplomatice messages; he kneels among us. That posture is characteristic of God. The discovery and realization of this is what defines what we know of God as good news-- God shares himself generously and graciously. 'Whichever form the blessing takes, it implies an exchange of the contents of the soul.' God enters into our need, he anticipates our goals, he 'gets into our skin' and understands us better than we do ourselves. Everything we learn about God through Scripture and in Christ tells us that he knows what it is like to change a diaper for the thirteenth time in the day, to see a report over which we have worked long and carefully gather dust on somebody's desk for weeks and weeks, to find our teaching treated with scorn and indifferenc by children and youth, to discover that the integrity and excellence of our work has been overlooked and the shoddy duplicity of another's rewarded with a promotion."
Thanks be to God, that all of our life's experiences, even the mundane and the dismissed and ignored actions, are all seen and loved by God. He holds us in the palm of His hand. He is gracious to us. Bless God, and God bless you. (Psalm 134)
"God gets down on his knees among us, gets on our level and shares himself with us. He does not reside afar off and send us diplomatice messages; he kneels among us. That posture is characteristic of God. The discovery and realization of this is what defines what we know of God as good news-- God shares himself generously and graciously. 'Whichever form the blessing takes, it implies an exchange of the contents of the soul.' God enters into our need, he anticipates our goals, he 'gets into our skin' and understands us better than we do ourselves. Everything we learn about God through Scripture and in Christ tells us that he knows what it is like to change a diaper for the thirteenth time in the day, to see a report over which we have worked long and carefully gather dust on somebody's desk for weeks and weeks, to find our teaching treated with scorn and indifferenc by children and youth, to discover that the integrity and excellence of our work has been overlooked and the shoddy duplicity of another's rewarded with a promotion."
Thanks be to God, that all of our life's experiences, even the mundane and the dismissed and ignored actions, are all seen and loved by God. He holds us in the palm of His hand. He is gracious to us. Bless God, and God bless you. (Psalm 134)
Friday, June 23, 2006
Wesley visits Herrnhut
"John Wesley's visit to Herrnhut was typical of thousands of others. 'God has given me at length,' he wrote to his brother Samuel, 'the desire of my heart. I am with a Church whose conversation is in Heaven; in whom is the mind that was in Christ, and who so walk as He walked.' In his journal he wrote, 'I would gladly have spent my life here; but my Master called me to labour in another part of His vineyard. O, when shall this Christianity cover the earth, as the waters cover the sea?'"
http://www.evanwiggs.com/revival/history/moravian.html
Okay brief history here and then the impact finding this quote has on me.
John Wesley, the founder of modern day United Methodism, was returning to England after visiting the American colonies in 1738. Wesley journalled that he was much impressed with some German Christians [Moravians] on board who held their faith and composure prayerfully in the midst of a terrible storm.
Upon returning to England, Wesley experiences a 'heart warming' conversion in May 1738, and then heads for Germany to visit this group of Moravians in Herrnhut, Germany. It was there that a man by the name of Count Zinzendorf had begun a 24/7 intercessory prayer movement that lasted 110 years!
Now, fast forward with me to 2006! The International House of Prayer in Kansas City is a 24/7 intercessory worship and prayer movement much like the community in Herrnhut, Germany. So much so in fact, they have a quote from Zinzendorf on the back wall, and the apartment complex they own for missionary housing is called, you guessed it, Herrnhut!
I have often described my first visit to the prayer room as "experiencing the expression of my heart's desire." And then I discover tonight that this was almost exactly Wesley's description of his experience. And over the last several weeks I have been curious to know more about Wesley's experience at Herrnhut. What did he think about it? What happened while he was there? And most importantly, why did he leave?
Just yesterday after a conversation with my wife, I have begun to feel that as much as I would love to remain here in Kansas City and remain in the IHOP-KC community, I feel the time is drawing near for us to return to NC and enter into the next phase of our calling as intercessory missionaries. And then tonight I find this quote from Wesley concerning his experience and reason for leaving Herrnhut.
Needless to say I am stunned at the similarities. I typically try my best not to overhype or over spiritualize circumstances like this. But the timing of this is certainly amazing to say the least. And to top it all off, Wesley's visit to Herrnhut lasted about three months. My training program, called Intro to IHOP, lasted three months. I wonder if Wesley attended Intro to Herrnhut?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Running from something or to something?
As we get ready to return to North Carolina in July to see family and friends and raise support, I continue to be confronted in my mind and in conversations with folks by the same thing. In leaving the church as pastor in January and moving to Kansas City, am I running from something or running to something?
I remember addressing that in my mind in January. I thought to myself, if I was running from something, surely there were easier places to run to in order to hide. If I was simply discontent with my current church, I could have just waited it out and been reappointed to another church. The beauty and curse of the appointent system in the United Methodist Church is that as an ordained elder, you are guaranteed a church, much like the tenure system in education. Once approved, you're in. If it was just a matter of running from the circumstances of my church, the safest thing would have been to wait it out, lie low, and move on.
In the appointment system of the UMC, I had financial security, and most importantly, I wouldn't have needed to share my story with so many people. In order to make this leap of faith to be a missionary family, we were forced to speak out about what God was doing in our lives. Raising support does not afford one anonimoty. Quite the opposite.
Six months later, I have gained a bit more perspective. I imagine as time goes by, I will gain even more. Looking back, I realize there was quite a bit I was running from. I was running from an unhealthy relationship with the church. I was headed down a path of destruction marked by pride, anger, and resentment. My attitude toward he church was one of entitlement. I had worked hard to be in this place of ministry. I had given my talents and abilities in order to serve the church. And I resented it. I resented being made to feel like I was overpaid, that I didn't do this well enough or that well enough. Depsite my best efforts, I did not measure up. And I was my own worst critic when it came to comparing myself to others in ministry around me. I have come to call it 'relational idolatry.' I was coveting in my heart someone elses ministry, giftings, and abilities. The true sin in this is that I became so fixed on becoming somone else I failed to realize all God was asking was for me to be who He created me to be. But that is hard to see in a system and culture that values bigger and better.
I was running away from dysfunctional relationships. I was living a compartmentalized life. My life was so divided. I had a compartment for family, for church, and my private life. The tension created when those compartments collided was unbearable. The church was always invading my family time. My family was too demanding of my time and was holding me back from becoming the pastor I knew I could become. And I would retreat to my private life to escape.
As I continued in this unhealthy lifestyle, my physical health began to deteriorate. I suffered terribly from migrane headaches. At one point over a period of months, I was taking more than 10 Imitrex a month for relief from migranes. My weight was out of control. I was placed by a physician on medication for high blood pressure. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and for nearly a year took Zoloft. I was 30 years old and headed for a heart attack before I was 50.
If this is what I was running from, what is it that I am running to? I am claiming my place in the Father's embrace. For the first time in my life, I can claim without fear that I am a chld of God. For so long I felt God was angry with me. O how wrong I was! God was not angry. God loves me far more than I will ever know. And the enemy was content as long as I was living this lie. But I will live the lie no more!
For the first time in my life since childhood, I am living an undivided life. There are no more compartments. I am learning to live an integrated life. My migranes are all but gone. I am off Zoloft. And my weight is down. If in the future, God chooses to send me back in to the pastorate, it will look and feel very differently.
I am choosing to claim my identity as a child of God. And who I am called to be is an intercessor for the Lord. What that means, I do not fully know right now. But I do know that wherever He leads, worship, prayer, and fasting will be hallmarks of my lifestyle, for these were the hallmarks of Jesus' life.
My place is at the feet of Jesus. My desire is to be set in a place with my family where we can serve Him with abandon.
Even as I write this, I realize that I want to convince all those who know me that I am not running away from something, but rather, to something. Better yet, to Someone! And yet I cannot convince anyone of anything. It is not my place nor is it my task. I know that I have acted with integrity. My decisions have been based on what I felt God was calling me to do. When all is said and done, I must simply let my life speak.
I remember addressing that in my mind in January. I thought to myself, if I was running from something, surely there were easier places to run to in order to hide. If I was simply discontent with my current church, I could have just waited it out and been reappointed to another church. The beauty and curse of the appointent system in the United Methodist Church is that as an ordained elder, you are guaranteed a church, much like the tenure system in education. Once approved, you're in. If it was just a matter of running from the circumstances of my church, the safest thing would have been to wait it out, lie low, and move on.
In the appointment system of the UMC, I had financial security, and most importantly, I wouldn't have needed to share my story with so many people. In order to make this leap of faith to be a missionary family, we were forced to speak out about what God was doing in our lives. Raising support does not afford one anonimoty. Quite the opposite.
Six months later, I have gained a bit more perspective. I imagine as time goes by, I will gain even more. Looking back, I realize there was quite a bit I was running from. I was running from an unhealthy relationship with the church. I was headed down a path of destruction marked by pride, anger, and resentment. My attitude toward he church was one of entitlement. I had worked hard to be in this place of ministry. I had given my talents and abilities in order to serve the church. And I resented it. I resented being made to feel like I was overpaid, that I didn't do this well enough or that well enough. Depsite my best efforts, I did not measure up. And I was my own worst critic when it came to comparing myself to others in ministry around me. I have come to call it 'relational idolatry.' I was coveting in my heart someone elses ministry, giftings, and abilities. The true sin in this is that I became so fixed on becoming somone else I failed to realize all God was asking was for me to be who He created me to be. But that is hard to see in a system and culture that values bigger and better.
I was running away from dysfunctional relationships. I was living a compartmentalized life. My life was so divided. I had a compartment for family, for church, and my private life. The tension created when those compartments collided was unbearable. The church was always invading my family time. My family was too demanding of my time and was holding me back from becoming the pastor I knew I could become. And I would retreat to my private life to escape.
As I continued in this unhealthy lifestyle, my physical health began to deteriorate. I suffered terribly from migrane headaches. At one point over a period of months, I was taking more than 10 Imitrex a month for relief from migranes. My weight was out of control. I was placed by a physician on medication for high blood pressure. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and for nearly a year took Zoloft. I was 30 years old and headed for a heart attack before I was 50.
If this is what I was running from, what is it that I am running to? I am claiming my place in the Father's embrace. For the first time in my life, I can claim without fear that I am a chld of God. For so long I felt God was angry with me. O how wrong I was! God was not angry. God loves me far more than I will ever know. And the enemy was content as long as I was living this lie. But I will live the lie no more!
For the first time in my life since childhood, I am living an undivided life. There are no more compartments. I am learning to live an integrated life. My migranes are all but gone. I am off Zoloft. And my weight is down. If in the future, God chooses to send me back in to the pastorate, it will look and feel very differently.
I am choosing to claim my identity as a child of God. And who I am called to be is an intercessor for the Lord. What that means, I do not fully know right now. But I do know that wherever He leads, worship, prayer, and fasting will be hallmarks of my lifestyle, for these were the hallmarks of Jesus' life.
My place is at the feet of Jesus. My desire is to be set in a place with my family where we can serve Him with abandon.
Even as I write this, I realize that I want to convince all those who know me that I am not running away from something, but rather, to something. Better yet, to Someone! And yet I cannot convince anyone of anything. It is not my place nor is it my task. I know that I have acted with integrity. My decisions have been based on what I felt God was calling me to do. When all is said and done, I must simply let my life speak.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
My writers' group folks tell me to write even when it seems I have nothing to write about so here it goes. I am very sleepy this morning. Not sure why. Perhaps it has something to do with James waking up at 6:15am and acting like he's ready to conquer the world, only an hour later to be so negative that we put him back to bed, although he did not go to sleep.
I checked out a bunch of books from the library a couple of days ago and we bought about three books from B&N, too. A real indulgence. But I have so many books now that I haven't even had time to open all of them. So much for moderation.
Some of the books are about forgiveness, God's and our forgiveness extended to other people. I even got Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place. I've heard about it and seen it referenced in other works but never actually picked it up before.
I also found a book by Andrew Murray called Raising Your Child to Love God. He has written several other books about the Christian life that I have just discovered with titles like: Humility and Waiting on God and The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer. Although he lived in South Africa at the turn of the last century, I find his works fairly accesible, but rich and deep and full of the Spirit. I have opened his book.
Another book I bought is Seeking God by Ester de Waal. This, it seems, is an exploration of the Rule of St. Benedict. I have yet to see a copy of the actual Rule of St. Benedict. But from what I've heard about it, and I hope to explore more through de Waal's book, I think it may be a rule that even we Protestants living in suburban America can use to draw closer to God as we live out our everyday lives.
And finally, the other book I bought, that I've actually started is Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt. It's been around a long time, but was recently updated. It explores the value of being a reading family and gives several lists of children's books. I'm thinking that this will be a resource instead of a curriculum for homeschooling and will most likely come in handy for several years to come.
Anyway, despite the last book, today is, apparently, a TV day. It started with Dragon Tales and has included Sesame Street, Calliou and currently Barney. What did families do before public television? Today is one of those days when I realize that one adult (even if it is the mother) spending most of their day with young children alone in a house is not what God intended. Help!!! Ok, I guess I'll end since my four year old says she's hungry and it's 10:50am. I did try to get her to eat earilier. Believe me. But Elizabeth doesn't eat unless it's her idea. Well, just a minute ago she was in here saying, "Now Now Now Now Now Now". Nothing can prepare you for raising children. A true lesson in humility.
I checked out a bunch of books from the library a couple of days ago and we bought about three books from B&N, too. A real indulgence. But I have so many books now that I haven't even had time to open all of them. So much for moderation.
Some of the books are about forgiveness, God's and our forgiveness extended to other people. I even got Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place. I've heard about it and seen it referenced in other works but never actually picked it up before.
I also found a book by Andrew Murray called Raising Your Child to Love God. He has written several other books about the Christian life that I have just discovered with titles like: Humility and Waiting on God and The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer. Although he lived in South Africa at the turn of the last century, I find his works fairly accesible, but rich and deep and full of the Spirit. I have opened his book.
Another book I bought is Seeking God by Ester de Waal. This, it seems, is an exploration of the Rule of St. Benedict. I have yet to see a copy of the actual Rule of St. Benedict. But from what I've heard about it, and I hope to explore more through de Waal's book, I think it may be a rule that even we Protestants living in suburban America can use to draw closer to God as we live out our everyday lives.
And finally, the other book I bought, that I've actually started is Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt. It's been around a long time, but was recently updated. It explores the value of being a reading family and gives several lists of children's books. I'm thinking that this will be a resource instead of a curriculum for homeschooling and will most likely come in handy for several years to come.
Anyway, despite the last book, today is, apparently, a TV day. It started with Dragon Tales and has included Sesame Street, Calliou and currently Barney. What did families do before public television? Today is one of those days when I realize that one adult (even if it is the mother) spending most of their day with young children alone in a house is not what God intended. Help!!! Ok, I guess I'll end since my four year old says she's hungry and it's 10:50am. I did try to get her to eat earilier. Believe me. But Elizabeth doesn't eat unless it's her idea. Well, just a minute ago she was in here saying, "Now Now Now Now Now Now". Nothing can prepare you for raising children. A true lesson in humility.
Monday, June 12, 2006
A Wonderful Day
Days like today seem far too infrequent. This morning I asked God for a word for the day, as I began my day. God gave me two words, "worship" and "wait." I took this to mean that our family is to focus on worshiping and to wait on wondering about the future.
So, as a family, after breakfast, we all went to the prayer room at IHOP-KC. And it was one of the best times we have had together as a family. The kids really enjoyed it. Elizabeth and James both spent time coloring, dancing, and enjoying the music. Elizabeth has a friend she really enjoys dancing with named Laura. I always enjoy taking James and Elizabeth up front to watch the singers and musicians. James enjoyed scooting across the empty front row while Elizabeth was mesmorized by the young woman playing guitar and leading the worship set.
After the prayer room, we all went to the grocery store, always an adventure with kids! Then as special family treat, we got lunch at Wendy's! Yeah!
Then our wonderful downstairs neighbor, Tom, offered to keep the kids for us for the afternoon! So Jennifer and I went out for an afternoon date! And where else would we go, but Barnes and Noble and Starbucks! The coolest part was the fact that Jennifer's gift cards from who knows when covered all but 25 cents of her purchase, and my tips from driving the IHOP shuttle over the weekend covered our Starbucks indulgence. We then went to a nearby park and enjoyed the afternoon among the geese by a small pond and other peoples children playing on the playground while we talked. Imagine that, we actually got to complete our thoughts without interruption! Anyone with children understands what a gift that is!
Thank you God for a day of worship with my family and precious time with my wife! I am truly blessed.
So, as a family, after breakfast, we all went to the prayer room at IHOP-KC. And it was one of the best times we have had together as a family. The kids really enjoyed it. Elizabeth and James both spent time coloring, dancing, and enjoying the music. Elizabeth has a friend she really enjoys dancing with named Laura. I always enjoy taking James and Elizabeth up front to watch the singers and musicians. James enjoyed scooting across the empty front row while Elizabeth was mesmorized by the young woman playing guitar and leading the worship set.
After the prayer room, we all went to the grocery store, always an adventure with kids! Then as special family treat, we got lunch at Wendy's! Yeah!
Then our wonderful downstairs neighbor, Tom, offered to keep the kids for us for the afternoon! So Jennifer and I went out for an afternoon date! And where else would we go, but Barnes and Noble and Starbucks! The coolest part was the fact that Jennifer's gift cards from who knows when covered all but 25 cents of her purchase, and my tips from driving the IHOP shuttle over the weekend covered our Starbucks indulgence. We then went to a nearby park and enjoyed the afternoon among the geese by a small pond and other peoples children playing on the playground while we talked. Imagine that, we actually got to complete our thoughts without interruption! Anyone with children understands what a gift that is!
Thank you God for a day of worship with my family and precious time with my wife! I am truly blessed.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Psalm 27
Light, space, zest—
that’s God!
So, with him on my side I’m fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.
When vandal hordes ride down
ready to eat me alive,
Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.
When besieged,
I’m calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I’m collected and cool.
I’m asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I’ll contemplate his beauty;
I’ll study at his feet.
That’s the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
far from the buzz of traffic.
God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I’m headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I’m singing God-songs;
I’m making music to God.
Listen, God, I’m calling at the top of my lungs:
“Be good to me! Answer me!”
When my heart whispered, “Seek God,”
my whole being replied,
“I’m seeking him!”
Don’t hide from me now!
You’ve always been right there for me;
don’t turn your back on me now.
Don’t throw me out, don’t abandon me;
you’ve always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.
Point me down your highway, God;
direct me along a well-lighted street;
show my enemies whose side you’re on.
Don’t throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.
I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don’t quit.
I’ll say it again:
Stay with God.
The Message
that’s God!
So, with him on my side I’m fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.
When vandal hordes ride down
ready to eat me alive,
Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.
When besieged,
I’m calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I’m collected and cool.
I’m asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I’ll contemplate his beauty;
I’ll study at his feet.
That’s the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
far from the buzz of traffic.
God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I’m headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I’m singing God-songs;
I’m making music to God.
Listen, God, I’m calling at the top of my lungs:
“Be good to me! Answer me!”
When my heart whispered, “Seek God,”
my whole being replied,
“I’m seeking him!”
Don’t hide from me now!
You’ve always been right there for me;
don’t turn your back on me now.
Don’t throw me out, don’t abandon me;
you’ve always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.
Point me down your highway, God;
direct me along a well-lighted street;
show my enemies whose side you’re on.
Don’t throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.
I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don’t quit.
I’ll say it again:
Stay with God.
The Message
A Covenant Prayer in the Wesleyan Tradition
This entry is inspired by our last week that Mark wrote of in his last post.
This is a copy of a prayer that was distributed at The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection several weeks ago.
I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed by thee our laid aside for thee,
Exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things
To thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
Thou are mine, and I am thine. So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.
This is a copy of a prayer that was distributed at The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection several weeks ago.
I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed by thee our laid aside for thee,
Exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things
To thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
Thou are mine, and I am thine. So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.
More of You God
The last few days around here have not been so fun. We were all on such a high last Friday as God broke in and provided for us, yet again. We are beginning to get the idea that God really does want us here, God really did call us here, and God really is going to sustain us in this place.
So, why are we struggling so in our hearts. Monday, I came down with a headache that lasted until Wednesday afternoon. Jennifer and I both have been wrestling with what is the next right step for our family. I find that I identify all too well with the story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness. God promised them daily bread. Bread in the morning, meat in the evening. [Exodus 16] God heard their complaining, and answered them with daily provision. This satisfied them for a moment. And yet before long they continued to complain.
God broke in a miraculous way and has continued to do so month after month for our family. And yet it is never enough. Before the initial gratitude even begins to wain, we are already looking ahead to tommorrows need. I find that my heart never seems satisfied with daily bread. Our culture has conditioned us to trust in storehouses of provision, money in the bank, food in the pantry. And yet this is not how most of the people in the world live. Most people would find our life desireable compared to the conditions they live in. And yet, I continue to complain.
Yesterday, Jennifer and I shared the realization that when we are without money, we fret about how we are going to pay the bills. When money comes in, we find that we fret over what to do with it. No matter whether we have money or not, we still are not content. Our discontent, God reveals, is because only onething is necessary, only onething will satisfy. That onething, is God alone. Only the presence of God will satisfy. The Israelites complained in the wilderness for bread and meat and water. We complain about having money for bills, for books, for going out to eat. And none of these things will ever satisfy what we truly crave, and that is more of God.
I really don't mean to be trite or overly simplistic. Paul talks about finding contentment whether he has much or little. [Philippians 4.10-14] I believe he is able to live this because of his revelation that God is enough! Whether Jennifer and I have much or little, our challenge is to be content regardless of the circumstances because Christ is enough. O for that to be true in our house! God make it so.
And so in the midst of our wilderness wanderings this week, in the midst of our ill-tempered discontent, God gently nudges us closer to Him with this mornings family devotion.
Are we willing to delight ourselves in such a way that we truly lose ourselves for Him. God, I ask that You would make it so in our family!
So, why are we struggling so in our hearts. Monday, I came down with a headache that lasted until Wednesday afternoon. Jennifer and I both have been wrestling with what is the next right step for our family. I find that I identify all too well with the story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness. God promised them daily bread. Bread in the morning, meat in the evening. [Exodus 16] God heard their complaining, and answered them with daily provision. This satisfied them for a moment. And yet before long they continued to complain.
God broke in a miraculous way and has continued to do so month after month for our family. And yet it is never enough. Before the initial gratitude even begins to wain, we are already looking ahead to tommorrows need. I find that my heart never seems satisfied with daily bread. Our culture has conditioned us to trust in storehouses of provision, money in the bank, food in the pantry. And yet this is not how most of the people in the world live. Most people would find our life desireable compared to the conditions they live in. And yet, I continue to complain.
Yesterday, Jennifer and I shared the realization that when we are without money, we fret about how we are going to pay the bills. When money comes in, we find that we fret over what to do with it. No matter whether we have money or not, we still are not content. Our discontent, God reveals, is because only onething is necessary, only onething will satisfy. That onething, is God alone. Only the presence of God will satisfy. The Israelites complained in the wilderness for bread and meat and water. We complain about having money for bills, for books, for going out to eat. And none of these things will ever satisfy what we truly crave, and that is more of God.
I really don't mean to be trite or overly simplistic. Paul talks about finding contentment whether he has much or little. [Philippians 4.10-14] I believe he is able to live this because of his revelation that God is enough! Whether Jennifer and I have much or little, our challenge is to be content regardless of the circumstances because Christ is enough. O for that to be true in our house! God make it so.
And so in the midst of our wilderness wanderings this week, in the midst of our ill-tempered discontent, God gently nudges us closer to Him with this mornings family devotion.
Maybe all God really wants is for us to love Him. I feel like what God is saying to our family, "if you will just trust me, if you will give yourself fully to me, I will give you the very desires of your heart. Don't worry about what you will eat, how you will pay the bills. Trust me, love me, worship me, seek after me, and I will bless you."Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
trust in Him, and He will act.
[Psalm 37.4-5]
Are we willing to delight ourselves in such a way that we truly lose ourselves for Him. God, I ask that You would make it so in our family!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Great is Thy Faithfulness Pt 2
I have never wanted to be the missionary family that publicly talks about their lack of finances and that sees a pair of socks or free toilet paper as "the sign" of God's faithfulness. I mean, surely the God of the cattle on a thousand hills has more to offer His children than toilet paper. But maybe I'm missing the point.
Anyway, the last few days have been a time that I would consider publicly thanking God for toilet paper, but God went beyond my low expectations, to continue providing for our family. We were afraid that we would not have rent money this month. In fact, we informed our gracious landlords that we had only half the rent to pay them so far.
But God.
After persevering in prayer for many days for financial provision, God has shown us once again that He really is faithful, by providing for our full month's rent as well as our student loan payment and food. This provision was unexpected, not a part of our pledged monthly support. Our needs continue to be met by our gracious God who has clearly called our family to wait for His provision as we continue to learn how to live out this lifestyle of worship and prayer in Kansas City. We are honored and grateful for the way God is working in our lives.
A quote too appropriate for the day, from Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience:
"The central reality for Christians is the personal, unalterable, persevering commitment that God makes to us. Perseverance is not the result of our determination; it is the result of God's faithfulness. We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning of our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms. It is out of such a reality that we acquire perseverance."
Certainly for our family, this day will be a mark on our map of the faithfulness of God! I invite you to share your day of God's faithfulness in your life. If you have yet to experience God's faithfulness, I invite you to open your heart to God, share your desires with Him. Don't close your heart off to God. Wait for the Lord. You will not be put to shame. (Psalm 25)
Anyway, the last few days have been a time that I would consider publicly thanking God for toilet paper, but God went beyond my low expectations, to continue providing for our family. We were afraid that we would not have rent money this month. In fact, we informed our gracious landlords that we had only half the rent to pay them so far.
But God.
After persevering in prayer for many days for financial provision, God has shown us once again that He really is faithful, by providing for our full month's rent as well as our student loan payment and food. This provision was unexpected, not a part of our pledged monthly support. Our needs continue to be met by our gracious God who has clearly called our family to wait for His provision as we continue to learn how to live out this lifestyle of worship and prayer in Kansas City. We are honored and grateful for the way God is working in our lives.
A quote too appropriate for the day, from Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience:
"The central reality for Christians is the personal, unalterable, persevering commitment that God makes to us. Perseverance is not the result of our determination; it is the result of God's faithfulness. We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning of our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms. It is out of such a reality that we acquire perseverance."
Certainly for our family, this day will be a mark on our map of the faithfulness of God! I invite you to share your day of God's faithfulness in your life. If you have yet to experience God's faithfulness, I invite you to open your heart to God, share your desires with Him. Don't close your heart off to God. Wait for the Lord. You will not be put to shame. (Psalm 25)
Thursday, June 01, 2006
A Family Picture
James, Jennifer, Elizabeth and Mark, outside the Kansas City Zoo, April 2006.A Pentecost Prayer
Check this out:
"The early Methodists had no heating in their churches. They said that the flame in the pew and the flame in the pulpit must be sufficient to keep them warm. And we today, need to have the live coal from God's altar and the consuming flame from heaven glowing in our hearts. This flame is not mental power or fleshy energy. It is divine, intense, dross consuming fire in the soul. It is the very Spirit of God."
from EM Bounds on Prayer, page 130
May the divine, intense, dross consuming fire from the very altar of God, the very Spirit of God, fill our pews and pulpits this Pentecost! May our hearts burn within us with desire for more of God!
"The early Methodists had no heating in their churches. They said that the flame in the pew and the flame in the pulpit must be sufficient to keep them warm. And we today, need to have the live coal from God's altar and the consuming flame from heaven glowing in our hearts. This flame is not mental power or fleshy energy. It is divine, intense, dross consuming fire in the soul. It is the very Spirit of God."
from EM Bounds on Prayer, page 130
May the divine, intense, dross consuming fire from the very altar of God, the very Spirit of God, fill our pews and pulpits this Pentecost! May our hearts burn within us with desire for more of God!
